As a coach by occupation and a spiritual seeker by nature I find my world is riddled with more questions than answers. Even when I find an answer it begets more questions. I am learning to acquiesce to this apparently never ending cycle of learning. But I’m not going down without my ego’s efforts to already have all the answers. (Sometimes it can just be so irritating being me.)
So, I’m out for my run with the dogs (yes, we are up to running without potty/sniffing breaks every 20 feet) and I am in my zone and this question hits me. It hits so hard that I almost need to stop and ask again to make sure I am hearing clearly. Lisa, what would you think about if you didn’t think about you all the time?
I hear it again.
If I wasn’t thinking about me I’d be thinking about …
[Silence]
[More silence]
… someone else’s needs.
And in thinking about someone else’s needs I would still need to leave my needs out of the equation. Lest it become about me—again. Which is exactly what I am being asked to not think about. (See, even in the seeing of it my ego can always find a way to bring it back to me. Geez)
If I wasn’t thinking about me I’d be free to focus on anything—everything that needs attending to that isn’t me. Then it crossed my mind.
Who will take care of my needs? Here’s what I heard.
- I take care of me when I refuel with the Creator of All That Is.
- I take care of me when I sit quiet with Creator and listen, intently, to the silence.
- I take care of me when I quiet my ego’s incessant need to be heard, to be first, to be best, to be most, and to be perfect.
- I take care of me when I am still, not needing to control everything and (in my case) everyone.
When I’m not busy thinking about how rough I have it, how tired I am, how much I give … everything is better.
Everything.
Basically life is better when I’m not at the forefront of my agenda.
Knowing I am fueled, leaves this extra space in my day. It’s as if a void is created when I stop thinking about my own importance—my own needs. It’s strange how much extra time has shown up. Time to do homework with kids, make fudge, take a nap, decorate house, wrap presents. I even managed to invite friends for a dinner party. Yes, I am finally having that dinner party.
The funny thing is, I’m doing all of it out of genuine love for you. I’m doing all of it because it feels good to not think about me. (Who would have thought?) That feeling I chased with a bottle of booze is now available through the simple act of not thinking about myself. I give to you with no expectation of anything in return. I don’t need a return from you. I got paid upfront this morning when I sat quietly with my Creator. My needs have been met.
My commitment to myself: Stay in this flow as long as possible. Return to this space as often as I recognize I have strayed.
Christmastime is a frame of mind. I give to you because I love you.
In not thinking about me I get the greatest gift of all.
Peace in my heart.
A little more Peace in my family.
Someday, Peace on Earth.
