Nothing in you is greater than the love in you. It’s just that you’ve let the love live so small. Love, in all its wisdom, is silently awaiting your humble return.
You are tortured with guilt. Until recent, the only way to escape it was to use again. It never gets dealt with because it masquerades as larger than self. The element of guilt alone keeps you in the grips of addiction. In your mind, dealing with the past is simply too painful. And this makes dealing with today too painful.
All the focus has gone to “don’t drink, don’t use.” You spend the day in “don’t” mode. Why not? Much of what you’ve done has been wrong, self-centered, and in many cases downright inappropriate. So maybe if you don’t do anything you can stay out of trouble.
Wrong.
You know that doesn’t work. You drink again and if you do not, you are miserable. No drink, no life skills, no tools, no support, no fellowship, no recognition of love … and you wonder why you fail at life. The pain too much to bear, you give in to your “disease.”
Your disease is lack of love. Your disease is imbalance. Disease does not flourish in a healthy environment. If you are going to heal it will have to come from the inside out. This means dealing with the past. You get to look at your past and heal. You get to look at your limiting beliefs and heal. You get to look at your principles and heal. You get to face your uncertainties, your unknowns, and overcome them. You get to live.
And what is the cost of this life?
Love
Love is the price you pay to be free. You … love you … so much that there is no longer room for disease. Life is not about what you don’t get to do. Life is about what you get to do—today.
Until you see that the love is bigger it will remain smaller. The moment you see that love is bigger … IT IS BIGGER.
This isn’t an exercise you do with your mind. It’s a moment you feel in your heart. You can’t intellectualize love. Love just Is. Love will prevail if you call it forth.
It’s not that love hasn’t been there for you. It’s that you never learned to recognize all the ways that love manifests in your day. You never learned to see love, rely on love, and flourish with love.
Love will always be bigger and your inability to recognize this is your disease. Nothing, I repeat nothing, is bigger than the love that exists within you. You cannot destroy, kill, or harm this love.
It is never abandoning you. It will never hurt you. It will only lead you home. You may not like all the paths it takes you, but you will love the destination.
So this dormant love, when will you let it awaken? When will you let it be the focus of your day? How can you help? What can you bring? What words can you speak? Who can you serve?
If I were you, I’d start with loving you. Let the demons, the memories, and the hurts appear. Remember them, face them, forgive them, heal them, and get busy with your life. Will some of them revisit? Probably. But the love in you will continue to prevail if you call it forth.
Life isn’t about what you don’t get to do today. Today is about how much love you get to share with the world.
Go shine—love will keep you sober and flourishing … if you let it.
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Lisa Neumann is a recovery life skills coach, author, speaker, and recovered addict.
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